We want to begin this guide gently and honestly. If you are reading it because you have lost a baby — whether before birth, during birth, or shortly after — we are very sorry. We hope what follows is useful, and we have tried to write it without rushing past anything.
This guide is also written for the friend, sibling or grandparent of someone who has lost a baby, and is wondering what kind of gift might be welcome. A personalised memorial star map is one option. There are several others below. None are required, none are universal, and the right choice depends entirely on the family.
Naming what has happened
In Australian medical language, “stillbirth” usually refers to a baby born after 20 weeks of pregnancy who did not survive. “Neonatal death” refers to a death in the first 28 days of life. “Infant loss” can refer to anywhere up to a year. Miscarriage covers losses before 20 weeks. Many parents prefer not to use the medical word at all — they simply say “we lost our son” or “our daughter died”. You can follow their lead.
What a star map can mark
For families who have asked us to make a memorial star map for a baby, the most common dates chosen are:
The night of the birth
If the baby was born at 3.20am on a particular Tuesday morning in Brisbane, the map shows the sky over Brisbane at 3.20am on that Tuesday. The constellations are real and rendered from astronomical data, not stylised.
The estimated due date
For pregnancies that ended early, some families choose the original due date. This gives the day a quiet meaning that would otherwise have been the day of arrival.
The day of the funeral or memorial service
Some families find this date easier to look at than the day of birth itself. There is no rule.
How to choose a layout, if you are the parent
If you are ordering for yourself, the most common requests we receive are:
- A smaller frame than usual — A4 or A3 rather than larger sizes
- A muted paper or canvas rather than a black background
- The baby’s first name in a small font below the chart, sometimes with a single date and no em-dash
- No text at all — many parents prefer the chart alone
You can leave the text field blank when ordering, and we will not add anything. Pricing and sizes are on our prices page.
How to choose, if you are the gift-giver
The most important thing is to ask, gently, what the family would like — and then accept whatever they say. Some families want their baby’s name said out loud and printed on objects in their home. Others prefer privacy and silence. Both are valid responses and they can change over time, sometimes within the same week.
If you do not feel able to ask, our gift card does not expire. We have had parents use them eighteen months after receiving them, when the time felt right.
Other small, considered gifts
A donation to Red Nose or Sands
Red Nose Australia and Sands Australia both support families bereaved by stillbirth, neonatal death and SIDS. A donation in the baby’s name is a quiet, meaningful gesture.
A piece of jewellery with the date
A small disc on a chain, engraved with the baby’s first name and a single date. Several Australian jewellers do this work with great care.
A book written for bereaved families
“Empty Cradle, Broken Heart” by Deborah Davis is the title most often recommended to us by parents who have walked this road. Buy a hardback copy, leave it unwrapped on a shelf at the family’s house, and do not push them to read it.
A bunch of native Australian flowers
Banksia, paper daisies, native rosemary. A small bunch, delivered the day after the funeral and again the following month, without a card requiring a reply.
A frozen meal, dropped off without knocking
The first three months are exhausting. A casserole in a disposable foil tray, left on the doorstep with a text message (“dinner is outside, no need to respond”), is the gift most often described to us by bereaved parents as “the one that helped most”.
Things to avoid saying
We will be direct, because the parents we have spoken to over the years have asked us to be.
- “At least it was early”. There is no “at least”.
- “You’ll have another one”. This child is not replaceable.
- “Everything happens for a reason”. To a bereaved parent, this sentence rarely lands as intended.
- “You’re so strong”. They may not feel strong, and the compliment can feel like a request to keep performing.
The phrase most often welcomed, in our customers’ words, is simply: “I am so sorry. I am thinking of you. I am here whenever you want me.”
Anniversaries that arrive every year
The first birthday — or the first what-would-have-been-the-due-date — is significant. So is the first Mother’s Day or Father’s Day after the loss. If you are a friend or family member, mark these in your calendar and reach out gently on each one, in years one, two, three and beyond. Bereaved parents tell us that the friends who remembered in year three were sometimes more steadying than the ones who flooded them in week one.
If you would like to talk an order through, or simply ask a question without committing to anything, our small team in Australia answers messages personally. See our FAQs.
Shop the Look
Personalised star maps for this moment.
Still deciding on the perfect present? A Star Maps Australia gift voucher lets your recipient choose their own personalised star map — the design, the moment and the finish.
For couples marking a milestone, our cotton anniversary gifts guide is worth a look — every canvas is 100% cotton.
